Just another spiritual journey
What's the best path to the Divine? Depends, what flavour of ice cream do you like?
In these articles, I’ll be sharing experiences and realisations from my own journey that I feel may benefit others in some way. If nothing else, I would be happy to have these accounts to self-reflect on. These go back to a time before I was born, then spanning my childhood, teenage years and twenties. My yearning for the Divine was eventually satiated when I met my Guru, Himalayan Master Yogiraj Satgurunath Siddhanath in 2019, at the age of 26.
At this point, life decided I needed spiritual “bootcamp” and in the years that followed, I experienced a tremendous inner shift in consciousness, which I know is solely for the purpose of being able to love and serve others better.
Although there have been wondrous mystical experiences, encounters with highly spiritual beings and blessings that I’m eternally grateful for, it’s the inward transformation that I prize most dearly. The best way I can describe how my twenties have felt is like a fast-forwarded motion picture where the protagonist is made to encounter and speed through life experiences that perhaps would have unfolded naturally over a longer span of time, often with scenes appearing incomplete or poorly edited, because they’ve served their purpose and the protagonist must move on!
Even though such a movie would appear weird, choppy and full of plot holes to an external observer, the actor playing the protagonist knows they’ll be just fine because they trust the Director.
As I’m writing this and trying to recollect relevant memories, there are 3 things I note to myself:
I wish I’d written down more of the insights as they came, a mistake that won’t be repeated again!
I can barely recognise the person whose memories I’m surfing. It feels like treading into the life of another individual who has passed on. Not a stranger, but not me.
Not everything can and should be shared. Had I not been given direction to share such information, I likely would not have started Shunya at all, which would have been fine for me also. Yet there must always be an inward permission to share an experience, especially if it’s deeply personal or not something meant for public knowledge at that time.
Grace through suffering
It’s possible that some people are able to make a lot of spiritual progress without going through a lot of pain and suffering, but this hasn’t been the case for me so I’ll only speak about what I have personally experienced. For me, challenges and suffering have been a primary catalyst for Divine Grace to enter in my life in an increasing capacity.
Suffering can be physical or non-physical, although I would say that the non-physical kind tends to hurt the most. Since not all suffering is visible or spoken about, it can be easily misunderstood or dismissed by others, especially if they don’t personally resonate with your particular pain.
It’s safe to say that everyone wants to experience love, kindness and understanding from others. The catch is that not everyone is willing or able to give love, kindness and understanding back. Even as a child, I would find it mind-boggling how certain kids could be so unkind to each other, often knowing exactly what to say and how to say it to cause maximum hurt to another, sometimes not even feeling any remorse for it. It was my innocent but naive belief that as we grow up, people drop such tendencies and adults conduct themselves with greater awareness. I was wrong, but as it turns out, being wrong here was also a gift!
As experienced by so many of us, there have been instances where I’ve been on the receiving end of ill treatment by others, including unkindness, judgement and betrayal. Personally and professionally, there have been extreme low points and struggles, followed by amazing grace (pun intended). With enough negativity in the world, I prefer not to dwell on those aspects and therefore may expand on select incidents only if it feels natural and necessary. I am grateful for each experience, whether they be perceived as “good” or “bad”, because I know what it’s worth to me.
What I gained from each experience was invaluable. Each time there was an embedded teaching waiting to be grasped and internalised in my being.
Do we have enough patience when it seems there’s no end in sight?
Do we have the capacity to forgive and understand others when they don’t offer us the same back?
Can we love (but not necessarily like) people who are not well-wishers?
Can we respond graciously to disgraceful behaviour?
Can we muster up the courage to pass through our most intense trials with faith in our convictions?
Perhaps it’s not fully accurate to use the word “gained” from such lessons. The path has felt more like an unravelling process, where you have to lose in order to gain. There’s a lot to lose along the way … ego, fear, anger, envy, guilt, pride, dogma, opinions and other mental conditioning that isn’t conducive to spiritual development. Some spiritual practitioners have been so intense in their quest to find God, Reality, Higher Self or experience cosmic consciousness/enlightenment, that they have lost their minds too!
Which spiritual path is best?
That depends, which flavour of ice cream do you prefer? This may seem like a facetious question, but there’s some depth behind it. I’ll explain.
In my childhood, I had witnessed my family performing pujas and homams, visiting temples on pilgrimage and reading sacred texts at times. I had an innate connection to Lord Krishna first. As a 2 year old I would run excitedly to the TV whenever my favourite show “Shree Krishna” would be on and watch it with my grandmother. I’ve experienced spontaneous healings and visions after visiting a major Vishnu temple in South India.
Having studied in a catholic school in the UK, we used to sing the most beautiful hymns during assemblies. Many of the hymns that I didn’t fully appreciate at the time found a way into my heart in later years. It was through reading the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda (Self-Realisation Fellowship) that I felt a deep, natural love for Jesus Christ. The connection once again felt personal, pure and transcended all religious dogma.
Throughout my life so far, various deities and saints have made their presence apparent, not just for a trifle but to impart meaningful lessons and trigger transformations of varying degrees. Part of this sharing process is to also ensure that none of them get taken for granted. I take them as they come, but still don’t fully understand the significance of each interaction. However, there was an underlying knowing that all of them come from the same Source, which for me is Love.
Whether the form taken is the Divine Mother, Shiva, Krishna, Jesus, Hanuman, Sai Baba or any other aspect of the Divine, I’ve only experienced profound Love with each connection.
In my view, if God/Reality is the delicious ice cream base, then all paths are simply different flavourings. There is no one correct flavour, because the substance is ultimately the same. May the chocoholics never frown upon the strawberry lovers!
Each individual is drawn to the flavour (path) that's suited to their own tendencies and capacity. Sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find your favourite flavour. Even within each flavour, there can be subtle differences in the formula, making one particular brand of strawberry stand out to you among all the others.
What’s the purpose of all this?
Purpose doesn’t necessarily have to be a lofty achievement, material or spiritual. When life gets challenging, I believe it can be valuable to view purpose not just as a distant goal, but something we can embody in each moment.
For me currently, purpose has become very simplified; I love God and by extension, wish to love and serve the same God that is in all of us. Part of that is sharing my personal stories and experiences, especially if they have any potential to inspire or help. It’s not that my life is particularly remarkable, or that I’m anything special. I’m simply trying to play my part.
All I’ve ever truly wanted to know is to know God, not out of idle curiosity but pure Love. My approach to the Divine was always a bit childlike and personal, potentially a bit irreverent depending on how you look at it. There was no natural inclination towards practices that involved too many rituals or complexities.
One of the greatest benefits I’ve found with this approach is that it’s easier not to be mentally tied down by societal expectation, dogma and preconceptions about what spirituality should and shouldn’t look like. I see life as a continuous process of evolving, learning and more importantly, unlearning. I’m not seeking to impose any views on anyone, or to convert any skeptics. I’m firmly in the camp of “live and let live!” This is just my way, but it doesn't have to be anyone else’s way.
Thank you for reading :)
Kiruthika Rajeswaran